the boy down the street

“Letting go isn’t about giving up. It’s about accepting that there are things that cannot be.”

For the almost a year, I was liking a guy (for legal purposes his name will be “the boy down the street.“) There was nothing special about him; he wasn’t my first kiss, my first boyfriend, or the first guy I’ve had sex with but so far he has been the best. Taking the sex out of equation, I’m left wondering:

Why did I like him?

I think it was because he was so easy to talk to and fun to hang out with. Getting to know him emotionally and physically it made me want something more than a friendship but he didn’t want to pursue a relationship. It always made me second guess myself and wonder what was wrong with me:Was I too heavy? Not pretty enough? Too quiet? Did I smile too much?

I just didn’t get it.

Even though he had “rejected” me, I always kept trying to change his mind. Until one day, my Mom sat me down and told me:

“You can’t change a man’s mind or make him love you.”

After that I just said fuck it, I give up –on him, on guys, and sex. Well I shouldn’t say I “give up,” more of letting these things go (guys and sex, just for now).

I’ve said it before but I truly mean it this time, I am over him. He hasn’t done me any good so why waste my time, my breath, and my life on him. Now I’m just going to concentrate on finishing school, stop letting that little “crush” I had on him distract me from my dreams and goals.

When I see you I will be courteous, but don’t expect anything more. So goodbye, deuces, adiós, ciao, adieu, zài jiàn to “the boy down the street.”

XXXO

Indie